Emotions in a coconut shell
Why coconut shell and not a nut shell? Well because I think a nut shell is too small to contain my emotions.
Naturally (or not) I am a bubbly person. I am always on a high. But the flip side of this high is when the lows come, they can be quite low, no matter how short the period I am low lasts for. I think I have sunk into that low place in the last 30 minutes.
Firstly, I decide to go to bed and sleep it away but I realise I can not go to bed because my eyes are heavy and it is time to cry. But the problem is I cannot cry. I am in a limbo here. I have thought about so many sad things but the tears are just staying put and not pouring out of my eyes thus making me uncomfortable and unable to sleep.
My question now is why do I feel like crying out of the blue? This is not the first time it has happened. In the past I found solace in the fact that after crying I felt better, even if there was no reason to cry in the first place. I must say this usually happens to me at night and when I am alone, lol its not like I just feel like crying randomly during the day while I am out or something, its usually when I am by myself and no I am not lonely. Today seems to be different because I never had issues crying. The tears just fall freely after which I laugh and its all good again (like I said a few blogs back, I am not normal). Today, these tears are holding up and disturbing my well cherished sleep it is not funny at all.
Its also prompting me to think about different things and situations I don’t exactly want to think about. Some issues I need to resolve and some things I need to get over and o yea things I need to do and how busy tomorrow is going to be.
My friend suggested I listen to slow songs and they will make me cry and that is what she does. I guess I am happy I am not the only one that has these moments. Problem here is slow songs are not working o. Lol I am nearly tempted to put pepper in my eyes and give myself something to cry about. Okay that is extreme.
I need to put my emotions in check. I mean I know I can’t be happy all the time but the fact that I am down before I realise the reason isn’t cool. My over analyzing brain is always on over drive which doesn’t help matters. At least now I know that it is an issue. I over analyze every little thing! I mean even up to where I will hide IF my flat gets broken into while I am in it. I am one of those people that before I do anything I know the possible outcomes and what the next plan of action will be. Even up to the emotion I would have and sometimes what I would like to be wearing on the day or the time it happens. I need a cure to over analyzing. Any suggestions?
Writing this blog now might have taken me a step closer to what triggers these episodes. At the moment I am thinking it is due to stress. Got an awful lot on my mind and I am not looking forward to my day tomorrow. I guess the next time I write a blog relating to my emotions I have to make a mental note to remember to check to see whether or not I am stressed at that point in time.
I guess its just hard for me to realise it is not all laughs and smiles in my world. I wish it was though. I am going to try going back to bed now. Goodnight xxx