Where do I even start?
I was at Marks and Spencer’s yesterday with my sister-in-law and when we got to the till to pay for our goods, I noticed that all the Christmas cards had been replaced with valentine day cards. First of all, it made me laugh. I guess man has to chop, the earlier they put out the cards the more cards people are likely to buy.
For some reason, seeing those cards reminded me if a time when I lacked confidence. A time when I thought I was ugly and unimportant. A time when I noticed I had a big head I hadn’t grown into and was picked on for that by some friends and cousins who didn’t realise the dent they made to my confidence each time they called me big head. A time when I was insecure. At the till at Marks and Spencer, I thought about the things I thought were important and it makes me laugh now as I can now see how irrelevant they were. I still wonder how I broke out of my misery!
It is funny I had these insecurities because a majority of the things I didn’t like about myself were psychological, in my head. Other than the big head (lol), what people saw when they looked at me was a lot better than what I saw.
I hid this for as long as I could and slowly, I began to shake myself out of it. I realised that the only person that could make me believe I was beautiful and worth it was myself and whoever thought otherwise was irrelevant. I told myself not to make an effort to fit the image other people liked just because I wanted to feel involved. Thanks to my parents, I was taught to be content and even more thanks to myself for listening to what they taught me.
What I try to do instead is to be myself. I don’t compare myself to anyone, I make the best of what I have. There were times were people would just pass comments like.. you look old in that, you are fatter, have you put on weight… the same people were the ones that a week or so later when they see me, they would say.. oh are you starving yourself, you have lost weight or they would ask to borrow the outfit that they said made me look like an old woman! At first it got to me.. like what is their problem, why can’t they just leave me alone to let me be. Then I decided not to pay attention to them and carry on as I was. On realisation that I really didn’t give their opinions much thought… they backed off.
Now I accept myself for who I am, but I still find it hard to accept compliments. Recently, a few of my colleagues kept on going on about how nice I look, how skinny I am, how my waist was tiny etc. I looked at myself and all i could see was thick thighs and big tummy and not a tiny waist. I found it so funny that I changed my blackberry status to what they said, laughing at myself. I expected people to laugh and agree with me that they were blind or something or ignore my status so they don’t offend me. However, the comments I got were surprising. I changed my status back and said thank you!
I know I am not ugly… and I know I am not the most beautiful person on earth.. however, I know I am beautiful enough and I accept that. That is all that matters! I am still working on myself though.
So to ladies out there. who think they are not beautiful.. or feel they need to look a certain way to be acceptable.. this is for you, you are beautiful. Accept it and move on. Set your own standards and stop wishing you were someone else, be happy you are YOU and take pride in that fact that there is no one else out there like you.
There will be days when you will doubt it… just remind yourself again that you are beautiful!