Angelsbeauty's Blog

…. what's next on my random mind?….

Archive for the tag “emotions”

To be sad or rejoice?

It’s been a season of mixed emotions.

I have heard a lot of good news, from engagements, to weddings, to babies, to passing exams to promotions and the list goes on.

At the same time, I have heard a lot of bad news, mainly deaths!

For example, one of my best friends lost his mum a couple of weeks ago, very unexpected. I never met her, intact, I have never met him, but we have been online friends for about 8/9 years and are quite close. While I am trying to think about what he is going through and how hard it must be for him, we finally bought my car, remember numerous posts ago how I said my dad was getting me a car for my graduation present, well I graduated about 3 or so years ago and because I don’t have a license yet, he didn’t buy the car. However, as I am now married, he handed over the cash and we bought my car and now I am going to practice in it till I pass. So yea, good news and happy news. I try to smile and be happy and then I remember the sad news.

Before his mom, another close friend lost her dad about a week before my wedding. I am there happy about my wedding, then I think about what my friend is going through loosing her dad. Another high school friend lost her dad as well about 2 weeks before my wedding. Yet another high school mate lost her mum too, then MsTizzle’s hospital admission too got me thinking, it could be anyone. I am so pleased she is okay now and I pray for speedy recovery for her. However, another one of my best friends is getting married soon, yayyyy! Her introduction is today, so another happy news. So in the midst of the wedding, new car, promotion, I am still sad, because my friends are sad! Does that make sense? So I have kind of being in a mood in the last few weeks. Sometimes smiling and laughing, other times deep in thought and moody. Plus I haven’t really being happy at work either. But I hope things will get better. Only time will tell.

So, I have been thinking… the bible says in every situation, give thanks. So I have been giving thanks, even when I am moody and happy, I say thank you Lord. Been chatting with my friend, Owo, who lost his mum, trying to get him to get closer to God now, despite what his mind may tell him.. like why would God let that happen. Its hard sha.

I have noticed recently, that when good things are happen, the devil finds a way of rearing his ugly head, to rain on your parade you know. So from today onwards, I am not going to let ‘it’ decide my mood. I will mourn with those who mourn and laugh with those who laugh and I pray God will teach me to do it the best way. I take this opportunity to say thank you Lord for the blessings in my life and I ask and pray that you’ll comfort those who have lost loved ones in Jesus name – Amen.

Till we meet again…

xoxo Angel xoxo


Emotions in a coconut shell

Why coconut shell and not a nut shell? Well because I think a nut shell is too small to contain my emotions.

Naturally (or not) I am a bubbly person. I am always on a high. But the flip side of this high is when the lows come, they can be quite low, no matter how short the period I am low lasts for. I think I have sunk into that low place in the last 30 minutes.

Firstly, I decide to go to bed and sleep it away but I realise I can not go to bed because my eyes are heavy and it is time to cry. But the problem is I cannot cry. I am in a limbo here. I have thought about so many sad things but the tears are just staying put and not pouring out of my eyes thus making me uncomfortable and unable to sleep.

My question now is why do I feel like crying out of the blue? This is not the first time it has happened. In the past I found solace in the fact that after crying I felt better, even if there was no reason to cry in the first place. I must say this usually happens to me at night and when I am alone, lol its not like I just feel like crying randomly during the day while I am out or something, its usually when I am by myself and no I am not lonely. Today seems to be different because I never had issues crying. The tears just fall freely after which I laugh and its all good again (like I said a few blogs back, I am not normal). Today, these tears are holding up and disturbing my well cherished sleep it is not funny at all.

Its also prompting me to think about different things and situations I don’t exactly want to think about. Some issues I need to resolve and some things I need to get over and o yea things I need to do and how busy tomorrow is going to be.

My friend suggested I listen to slow songs and they will make me cry and that is what she does. I guess I am happy I am not the only one that has these moments. Problem here is slow songs are not working o. Lol I am nearly tempted to put pepper in my eyes and give myself something to cry about. Okay that is extreme.

I need to put my emotions in check. I mean I know I can’t be happy all the time but the fact that I am down before I realise the reason isn’t cool. My over analyzing brain is always on over drive which doesn’t help matters. At least now I know that it is an issue. I over analyze every little thing! I mean even up to where I will hide IF my flat gets broken into while I am in it. I am one of those people that before I do anything I know the possible outcomes and what the next plan of action will be. Even up to the emotion I would have and sometimes what I would like to be wearing on the day or the time it happens. I need a cure to over analyzing. Any suggestions?

Writing this blog now might have taken me a step closer to what triggers these episodes. At the moment I am thinking it is due to stress. Got an awful lot on my mind and I am not looking forward to my day tomorrow. I guess the next time I write a blog relating to my emotions I have to make a mental note to remember to check to see whether or not I am stressed at that point in time.

I guess its just hard for me to realise it is not all laughs and smiles in my world. I wish it was though. I am going to try going back to bed now. Goodnight xxx

“Friendship” …. a full time job pt 1

It may seem as if I always talk about myself, but the truth is the only person I can talk about in truth and in enough detail to nearly 100% accuracy is myself, so bare with me.

"..I'll be there...."I cherish and value friendship so much even my family sometimes think I love my friends more than my family, that is how bad it is. I have been in so many different kinds of friendships, some are still existing, some hanging by a thread and some long gone and still I am told I have too many friends. That one i agree with, its hard to keep in touch with everyone, but I try.

I am a strong believer in not writing off any source of new friendship because you think you already have enough friends or you think you don’t have enough in common with the person. Here is why, if you only make friends with those you have something in common with, there will be a time where those friends will not be available or a time where you would be going through some issues those friends cannot relate to.

My motto is make friends sensibly with whoever really. I don’t wake up each morning thinking… I must make a new friend today but I am open to whoever wants to be my friend. Let me rephrase, I am approachable to whoever wants to be my friend.  I am also not saying to tell every tom dick and harry your most intimate secrets.  Start off by speaking to them, source them out, decide what category of friends they fall into, and then you then decide how much of your life you are willing to share with them.

In another context, there are friends that will rely on you emotionally and others who you will rely on emotionally, the world is round after all. There are friends who are always negative and those who are positive and those who have their days. You don’t have to pick and choose, just make sure you are prepared for whatever comes your way. If you have some negative friends, make sure you have a way to replenish yourself after conversing with them, try to be as positive as possible to them because they need you to be positive for them. After all everyone has their role to play in this world.

It is very important not to forget yourself in all of this. Find some “you” time otherwise you’ll end up cranky and eventually loose yourself. Another good reason to have a variety of friends. From my experience it is useful to take a break from one group of friends and spend the time with another group of friends. This helps you appreciate what you have in one set that you don’t have in another. It helps put things in perspective. At the same time it is essential to make sure that some friends don’t feel inferior to others. Easier said than done right, but with practice, it’ll be next to breathing.

I have too much to say about friendship and I am sure I am not articulating myself well enough, but this will have to be continued some other day. To end this, a “friend” did something to me the other day that made me think about this: “Who do you go to when life is gray, still and everything seems to go down hill and who do you go to when you are in your prime, when you are happy, when things seem to be perfect“. When you think about it, are you going to the same people? I personally think it is only fair for you to share your happiness with those who shared your sadness with you.

Have a good night.

First blog

Hello world,

I am quite excited about this blog. Sometimes you just want to pour out your heart to someone, but in most cases people just couldn’t care less because they have their own issues to worry about plus it could be boring as well. So pouring it out into cyberspace is next to best.

On that note, watch this space. Here goes my post for today….

I am at a stage in my life where I am happy about decisions I made in the past that seemed dramatic or unnecessary or even a waste of time. As an introduction to my cobweb of a life or as some would say, my weird self, I follow my heart. I do things I want to do and not things the world expects me to do, even close friends or family. Having said that, I am not rebellious, I do listen to people’s advice but experience ( in my few years on earth) has taught me to seriously take everything people say with a pinch of salt. Even parents, they do have your best interest at heart (in most situations), but the truth is, only you know what you are going through at every point in time. Whoever is dishing out the advice never understands the whole situation, only you my friend, has this vital piece of information. My motto is, pick bits and pieces from the advices you receive, mold it into the best solution for your problem and live with the consequences.

So enough of the deep stuff. I am hoping my blog would help someone somewhere one day as I believe in learning from other people’s experiences and tailoring it to my own life. As I was saying before I got carried away. I had to make certain decisions in my past that has brought me to a somewhat happy place today. When I think about the person I used to be then, shy, closed etc and think about how far I have come in terms of confidence and been in charge of my own happiness, it fills my heart with even more joy.

Very few people understand the concept that you are in charge of your own life, your own happiness because even though people mourn with you when you mourn, majority of them are constantly looking at their watch to either talk about something else or move on or they even get bored, come on, I don’t blame them.  Everyone has enough on their plate which is why you have to understand yourself. I am not saying to be an island and cave into yourself, I am merely saying to learn to control your emotions, to learn more about yourself, not just your likes and dislikes more important things. It will be crucial in future.

With this I say goodnight 🙂

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