Angelsbeauty's Blog

…. what's next on my random mind?….

Archive for the tag “happy”

To be sad or rejoice?

It’s been a season of mixed emotions.

I have heard a lot of good news, from engagements, to weddings, to babies, to passing exams to promotions and the list goes on.

At the same time, I have heard a lot of bad news, mainly deaths!

For example, one of my best friends lost his mum a couple of weeks ago, very unexpected. I never met her, intact, I have never met him, but we have been online friends for about 8/9 years and are quite close. While I am trying to think about what he is going through and how hard it must be for him, we finally bought my car, remember numerous posts ago how I said my dad was getting me a car for my graduation present, well I graduated about 3 or so years ago and because I don’t have a license yet, he didn’t buy the car. However, as I am now married, he handed over the cash and we bought my car and now I am going to practice in it till I pass. So yea, good news and happy news. I try to smile and be happy and then I remember the sad news.

Before his mom, another close friend lost her dad about a week before my wedding. I am there happy about my wedding, then I think about what my friend is going through loosing her dad. Another high school friend lost her dad as well about 2 weeks before my wedding. Yet another high school mate lost her mum too, then MsTizzle’s hospital admission too got me thinking, it could be anyone. I am so pleased she is okay now and I pray for speedy recovery for her. However, another one of my best friends is getting married soon, yayyyy! Her introduction is today, so another happy news. So in the midst of the wedding, new car, promotion, I am still sad, because my friends are sad! Does that make sense? So I have kind of being in a mood in the last few weeks. Sometimes smiling and laughing, other times deep in thought and moody. Plus I haven’t really being happy at work either. But I hope things will get better. Only time will tell.

So, I have been thinking… the bible says in every situation, give thanks. So I have been giving thanks, even when I am moody and happy, I say thank you Lord. Been chatting with my friend, Owo, who lost his mum, trying to get him to get closer to God now, despite what his mind may tell him.. like why would God let that happen. Its hard sha.

I have noticed recently, that when good things are happen, the devil finds a way of rearing his ugly head, to rain on your parade you know. So from today onwards, I am not going to let ‘it’ decide my mood. I will mourn with those who mourn and laugh with those who laugh and I pray God will teach me to do it the best way. I take this opportunity to say thank you Lord for the blessings in my life and I ask and pray that you’ll comfort those who have lost loved ones in Jesus name – Amen.

Till we meet again…

xoxo Angel xoxo

 

The D – day

So the birthday I have been singing about is finally here! I am a year older today and so thrilled!!! Cannot but thank God for his mercies and for bringing here again :).

Today has been great. I feel so loved! Phone calls from the states and Nigeria from friends and family kept me up till 2:30am today! But I complain not as I appreciate them. I made a point to reply every single message I received.. *sigh* 168 Facebook wishes and counting (i didn’t count them … Facebook told me), it was quite hard keeping up but I really appreciate all the texts, voice-mails, Facebook messages, twitter messages etc people have sent. May they all be celebrated as well.

So I wasn’t quite sure what to expect today as 2 of my really good friends that are usually a part of my birthday moved back to Nigeria earlier this year. I mean, when I moved to Reading last year, I told them I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday because I wasn’t in London and I couldn’t be bothered to plan anything. They said okay. I got back from work and they called me to say they were in Reading! Both of them and one of my other good friends came to Reading that night to spend my birthday with me. That was really sweet and I cried because I was so surprised. I have never had a surprise before and I felt so loved. Okay you have probably gathered by now that I am very emotional. Lol.

So this year, as 2 of them are not around and the 3rd is now in his final year at university.. I just expected to have a pretty normal day. I got to work nice and early… and on my desk, i had a lovely surprise! One of my colleagues had poured some ‘happy birthday’ confetti on my desk, she also baked me an egg liqueur cake (it’s a German cake apparently, photo below, but erm, please… ignore the untidy desk) and bought me a cupcake recipe book! I was very close to tears… I really appreciated it of course and the cake was yummy.

 

Ignore my untidy desk!!

 

 

Also, turns out my friend’s had tricks up their sleeves. I wasn’t expecting a gift this year, but apparently, it is in the post! I am mega excited! They are really good at picking gifts. 3 years ago, I got a Nintendo ds, 2 years ago I got a swarovski set and last year my surprise gathering. I wonder what this year will be… any ideas?

To conclude.. this year… what I want to thank God for is the people in my life that have made this day special. I feel so loved… I know I have said that so many times, but you just can’t understand how loved I feel right now, I feel extremely loved and I thank god for the family he placed me with and the people that are involved in my life. I really appreciate it.

My love for the love ‘underdog’

I find that my heart constantly aches for the love underdog, hence this blog. Romantic comedies / romantic movies have made it acceptable for there to be love underdogs; even the books (novels) we read do the same. It got me to thinking, maybe that is how the majority of the masses minds work.

So who am I referring to as a ‘love underdog’?

I am referring to the guy who is loving and caring and is willing to go to the end of the world for his wife or girlfriend or even his friend, and what he gets in return is, “I am sorry, I am in love with someone else”. At least that is even better, some of them don’t even get an explanation, their hearts just get broken.

Now, why is he an underdog? From my point of view, he is taken for granted, or in certain situations where he has offered up the rest of his life for his girlfriend willingly, unknowing to him, she has a backup plan. This mostly means she is only with him out of convenience and waiting for someone better to come up. In some cases, she believes she is in love with him and he is all she has ever dreamed and hoped. This all changes when she meets someone she considers better, he could be a new guy or someone from her past. Let’s take an example of someone from her past. Even after spending say 5years with this love underdog, she meets someone she hasn’t seen in 10 years and isn’t even sure if he is still the same person she knew that many years ago or if he has changed or if he has habits that she would rather not know off.  Nevertheless, things start to change in her relationship with the underdog. She suddenly realizes, actually, I don’t have to stick with the love underdog, after all we are not married and there is nothing tying me down to him (if the person is not married), or if married it could be that she all of a sudden remembers their marriage is boring.

After spending so much time with the new guy in a short period of time, her mind is on a one way road, she is then automatically believes she likes him and then they kiss (which is what she has been wanting anyway) and next thing is, the guilt kicks in for majority of people and others just don’t care. This either triggers the breakup, or reminds her she is making a mistake.

Now my love underdog is affected in two situations, the first is when he finds out about the cheating or kissing or cheating emotionally and the second is if a divorce or breakup happens. Let me give you a scenario, say for example, I have been dating this guy for like 5 years and then he breaks up with me and I am very torn and depressed. It takes me say, a year to get over him and then this new guy comes my way, and he is nice to me. Even when I tell him I never want to see a guy again, he stays on, he doesn’t pressurize me, he is just pretty much my knight in shining armor, just what I needed at the point in time and possibly and most likely someone I should invest more of my time with to see if we can spend the rest of our lives together, if that is on the cards for me. 2 years down the line, the first guy, that broke my heart and left me, comes back into the picture. He knows how to talk his way back into my heart. I had told myself many times I will not let this happen and rehearsed this exact scene over and over in my head, but it is happening now and I just can’t seem to make it go away. Before you know it, his lips are on mine and I forget about my knight in shining armor for a second. When I remember him, instead of remembering for how lovely he is and sweet and how he stood by me, I start remembering him as an obstacle to what I have just experienced.

The poor ‘knight in shining armor’ has done nothing wrong whatsoever, the only mistake he made was falling in love with the wrong person. That’s how I see it anyway. I am not saying this always happens, and to be fair, if the relationship between you and ‘the knight’ is clearly not working then yea, fair dos. But don’t drag someone who is willing to be there for you in the mud or make him your plan B if all else don’t work.

This really frustrates me in movies, even when I really enjoy the movie, the whole happily ever after, the two people we wanted to get together got together, but at whose expense? Yup, you got it, the love underdog’s.

For example, ‘Made of honor’, even though the Scottish guy was a jerk, I mean come on, what is the big deal in sharing your food with your fiancée. His heart was broken and I felt sorry for him. How about in ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ she runs away from her husband right, to the city, meets this hot guy and if I remember correctly, they got engaged, then she decides to go back home and yes, you got it right, fell back in love with her husband, leaving once again the love underdog to fend for himself and nurse his broken heart. Most recently, Sex and the City 2, this case is not as extreme as the others I know of, but come on, Carrie kissing Aidan!!! Why?! I loved Carrie and Aidan and wanted them to be together, but things didn’t work out, she is married to Big so why does she then kiss Aidan! I am impressed she told the truth but at the same time, she hurt Big, big time (I am aware I have used big so many times in the same sentence lol).

What am I saying exactly? If you read this, and have a love underdog in your life, don’t break his heart, or if you have broken his heart already, let him be the last. If you don’t know if this applies to you, think about the men in your life and imagine yourself in their shoes and imagine your plans for them were their plans for you. Good, now at the end of the plan, are you happy and smiling or crying and sad? There’s you answer. If a relationship is not working all well and good end it but not because of another man! No man is worth it!

Have a lovely day 🙂

I miss you all

I should start by saying I know I haven’t blogged in a while, its because I have 2 blogs drafted but they are just not yet ready. On that note, read on :).

I got back from work today a bit late as we had a community team challenge day which involved loads of gardening and lifting bricks and so on, but was nicely ended with a barbecue. Anyway, so I am laying on my couch, too tired to drag myself into the bathroom and with my laptop on my laps, I have facebook on and I just keep getting this nostalgic feeling when I go onto my high school friends pages.

I had really good times with those girls, good friendship, thinking back at how we all got along so well, well, not all the time, but we got into trouble together, celebrated together, had meaningless and unfruitful arguments but still, I miss them! I got back in touch with a some of them, but it just wasn’t the say. I only still get along well with about 25% of those I got back in touch with, the rest of them its either they have moved on and just can’t be bothered to revive the friendship or we are just very different people. Its like so much time has passed and we are all on different tracks and things have just changed.

At the end of the day, friendship is but for a season, only a couple of friendship will last forever. Our memories of good times with old friends should be cherished. I plan to cherish mine as they keep me company on lonely days and just put a smile on my face. Like the saying goes, old friends are the best, I am yet to find out if this is the case.

My friends from university are really cool but its just not the same quality as what I can remember from high school. I think it could have to do with the fact that in high school, we were mostly innocent, not too much life baggage. But now, we are older and wiser and more cautious and this could be the source of the skepticism. I am enjoying a more mature kind of friendship now I guess.

With that I leave to carry on watching to kill a mockingbird for the first time. So far, I love it.

xxx

One of those days

I spoke to someone from my past today and it was a very interesting conversation but I could not help but feel down afterwards. For a very happy person, or at least according to my friends who think I am and some say they envy me, but I do not think I am a very happy person. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have terminally ill family members or stones and rumbling down my life, but I like to think happiness is all relative. Someone who losses a pen can feel as much pain as someone who £1,000 was stolen from. That is the way I see things, because of the sentiments people attach to these things. I am not saying it is right or wrong, all I am saying is at that point in time, they are feeling the same emotion which equally feels horrible.

So, why did I feel bad, I have no idea. I guess its just the way I felt I came across. I felt I cam across as pompous. I think I seriously have issues, I don’t know why I felt like that, but I did. Then I started giving out unnecessary information and in return, he share pieces of news which were very exciting, like a couple of our old friends getting married and even he himself is thinking of getting married which is also really exciting. So naturally, I thought about myself again, back to this same old marriage story. This time, I was thinking where my lane changed? When in my life did I change track? Am I on the right track? I have NO CLUE.  I remember when I was kid, my expectations in life were very simple. The simplest ever, but at the same time, I had no real life ambition or aspiration. Even though for some weird reason I always knew I wanted to study something that involved mathematics and drawing, so my options then were engineering, or architecture and then eventually I studied chemical engineering. I knew I wanted en education, this was when I was back in Nigeria, my parents could afford to give me one and since I can remember my parents have always worked, both my mum and dad and even now, they are still working, so even though then as a child, I thought I wanted an easy life, not a lot of stress, maybe just get a simple job that I’ll just have to turn up on time and leave when work is over and then pop out kids and be a housewife.

My problem  now is my views of life are so different, I believe I was a different person then. I also feel like I have swung too far to the other side, I need some balance. I am talking so much change in 7 years. 7 years is a long time, but still not long enough for me to an entirely different person. I am having to catch up with myself, and now that I think about it, do I know me? I feel like I have been on a very fast track, I haven’t really had the chance to think. I started school before I can even remember, I went through some old school reports to find out that I repeated nursery because I couldn’t write or read, not sure which and then a couple of years later, I changed schools so I had to repeat primary 1 because the school I changed to would not let me go on to primary 2. So pretty much, I have repeated twice before I eventually got into the swing of school like my other colleagues. Having been set back by 2 years educationally, I still found that I was one of the youngest in my year when I moved to England. I was born in November, but I still managed to carry on school years in England with those born before August if that makes sense. So from A levels onwards, it was a responsible and fast lane. So, 2 years of A levels, got really good grades, well come on, my parents were paying thousands of pounds as an international student for me to school here, and they never made me forget that they are working hard to make ends meet, which translated to, do your bit by getting good grades. From A levels, moved on to Imperial College, even more pressure, no longer the top of the class, had to work harder to be an average student and then from University straight into work. I have loved every part of it, but when I look back, I feel like every step of the way I am loosing a part of myself. The question is, am I becoming a better person or a worse person? Time will tell, but would it be too late by then? These are thoughts that have occupied my head this night, other than the election results.

The question now is, do I go ahead and try to carry out the game plan in my head or just chill, but I have not had a chill pill since 2003! It is such a foreign thought to me, each time I try to chill, reflex kicks in. I am also tired of trying to get free therapy from my friends, because I have loads of issues and I am beginning to feel weird sharing them with people I know and see everyday, hence this lamentation. Maybe I should invest in a shrink, but before that, I need to learn to drive first.

So… Good night for now and may the best party win!

Devon – Sidmouth

Finally, the day I have been waiting for the last 3 weeks is here, ok not literally, it is tomorrow! I am quite excited. But come on, it has been really warm for the last two weeks or so, and then the bank holiday weekend is here and guess what? You guessed right, IT IS GOING TO RAIN ALL WEEKEND! Which really isn’t cool because.. I have been looking forward to this weekend for a while, dreaming about lying on the beach reading a good book, strolling, hiking etc. Anyway, the team says it will be a hiking weekend, so I guess it is still something to look forward to.

So now the challenge is to pack a small suitcase for three nights. So I am thinking if we are going to be hiking in the rain it will definitely involve a lot of changing of outfits, and possible a dinner / night out on one of the nights. So I settled for 7 t-shirts, 2 dresses, a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of shorts, a bikini, a full piece swim suit, 2 hoodies, 2 jogging bottoms, a comfortable pair of vans, contemplating taking wellies, but I don’t have enough room for them.  Now the next task is to sit on my suitcase till its shut.

Back to packing my suitcase, have a lovely long weekend and hopefully I’ll have something interesting to blog about on Monday / Tuesday.

Dreams..Thoughts..Wishes

Like every girl, I dream about my wedding day frequently, not recently though as I had other thoughts occupying my mind. But, I saw pictures of a pretty much fairy tale wedding, in Nigeria that just made me start thinking about my still to come’ wedding day. I still don’t know the fine details of the wedding, but I heard the dress alone cost £14,000, lie? truth? I don’t know but what I know is that wedding was beautiful, the pictures oozed with wealth, and my eyes, were well fed!

So like it would, it got me thinking of my wedding.. whenever that day would be. My friends think i am a wedding freak, but I am not really. I enjoy looking at wedding pictures and talking about it, but for someone who is supposedly a wedding freak, I don’t have a lot of plans for mine. All I know is I want it to be beautiful! From little details like the wedding invite to things as big as my dress… oh boy my dress.. it has to be gorgeous but i don’t want to break the bank! For now, I don’t think I am ready to be married. Maybe another 4years or less.. who knows?

The CBM position is going to be an interesting one as I don’t have a sister, but if I am to keep it in the family, it would probably be my cousin, who I have lived with pretty much for the last 7 years. Extending it to friends would be quite tricky, because I have wonderful friends, it would be difficult picking one. I might just end up with a rota, jokes.

People always ask me because of my passion for weddings what I would do if the person I eventually meet to marry does not share my passion for weddings or would not want to go ahead with the wedding the way I want to. I always say to them I would never meet such a person and even if I do meet such a person, our relationship will not go past friendship. I can only hope this would not backfire.

Have a lovely evening. xxx

Confessions of a happy workaholic!

My idea of an ideal day is a day where I have been so busy that time just passes by; hence why my last 3 days have been amazing so far. I am so exhausted because I have been so busy at work, like really busy and I thrive in it. If I could drive, I would probably spend more time at work but as there is just one train in an hour, its not really ideal.

In as much as I love to be busy, I am not doing some vital things i should be doing, like studying for my professional exams. I just can’t be bothered and I know it is not the right attitude to have but this week at work promises to be crazy, so my excuse this time is I need a break. My head keeps aching from the amount of information I have to process in a day, you know how you crack your fingers, that’s how I wish I could crack my head, just for some relief. Having said that, its good to know it is short lived and life should go back to normal next week for sometime.

I actually love my job, people say accountants are boring, but I beg to differ. Especially working for my company, I don’t think I would find better anywhere else. I am just so happy where I am with the prospects of career progression, learning from the best people and just having a good life and work balance. It’s quite funny because so many times I want to stay behind and work and either my manager, assistant manager or fellow colleagues keep chasing me out of the office after 5pm. From speaking to friends and my past experience, this is rarely the case.

So my challenge at the moment is, staying busy at work, delivering good pieces of work assigned to me, learning as much as I can on the job and then finding time to read around to see what knowledge I can add to my already existing one. Sometimes I just wish I knew it all and I could just go ahead and do a fabulous job with very little help. I can’t wait for that day, it would bring me great joy! I sound like a freak don’t I? I just love been useful.

Some days I wake up in the morning tired, but what gets me off my bed is my worry of how they would get on without me if I called in sick because I feel awful. I just feel like, I have so much to do I haven’t done, and I haven’t passed it on with sufficient instructions for someone else to carry on in my absence. I know the world and the office will survive in my absence, but it just gives me a sense of importance. Keeps me going I guess. Let’s see if this is the same in a couple of years time.

With that, I go to rest my head in a tub of icecream, maybe it would chill my brain.

xxx

First blog

Hello world,

I am quite excited about this blog. Sometimes you just want to pour out your heart to someone, but in most cases people just couldn’t care less because they have their own issues to worry about plus it could be boring as well. So pouring it out into cyberspace is next to best.

On that note, watch this space. Here goes my post for today….

I am at a stage in my life where I am happy about decisions I made in the past that seemed dramatic or unnecessary or even a waste of time. As an introduction to my cobweb of a life or as some would say, my weird self, I follow my heart. I do things I want to do and not things the world expects me to do, even close friends or family. Having said that, I am not rebellious, I do listen to people’s advice but experience ( in my few years on earth) has taught me to seriously take everything people say with a pinch of salt. Even parents, they do have your best interest at heart (in most situations), but the truth is, only you know what you are going through at every point in time. Whoever is dishing out the advice never understands the whole situation, only you my friend, has this vital piece of information. My motto is, pick bits and pieces from the advices you receive, mold it into the best solution for your problem and live with the consequences.

So enough of the deep stuff. I am hoping my blog would help someone somewhere one day as I believe in learning from other people’s experiences and tailoring it to my own life. As I was saying before I got carried away. I had to make certain decisions in my past that has brought me to a somewhat happy place today. When I think about the person I used to be then, shy, closed etc and think about how far I have come in terms of confidence and been in charge of my own happiness, it fills my heart with even more joy.

Very few people understand the concept that you are in charge of your own life, your own happiness because even though people mourn with you when you mourn, majority of them are constantly looking at their watch to either talk about something else or move on or they even get bored, come on, I don’t blame them.  Everyone has enough on their plate which is why you have to understand yourself. I am not saying to be an island and cave into yourself, I am merely saying to learn to control your emotions, to learn more about yourself, not just your likes and dislikes more important things. It will be crucial in future.

With this I say goodnight 🙂

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