Straight talking.. no bulls

Okay blogsville, I have decided to document my attempt to date. I mean, I am 23, a young lady who would love to meet someone decent lovely and made just for me in the future, settle down, marry him and pop out 3 wonderful babies that look like us. We will then go on to have arguments, kiss and make up and our love for each other will continue to gain depth as we live happily ever after. This is by no means a way of advertising myself or an attempt for me to create my own personal dating website no matter how much this paragraph says the contrary.

So.... what do you do?

As this is the first of my new Dating series, I have decided to give you some background about myself and experience in this area and also to manage your expectations accordingly because it might not be an ideal cup of tea for some.

I have been in a few relationships. I remember when I started in this volatile world of dating, I wanted to be one of those people who married their first boyfriend. I did not want to have a long list of guys I have had a relationship with, but unfortunately, life happens. Other than a couple of relationships I have been in, when I look back at the others, I went into them for very wrong reasons. The good old classic one was because the guy would not take ‘No’ for an answer I eventually said yes to get him off my back and when I woke up the next day I broke up with him. I am not proud of this behaviour but that amongst others are the reason why I have had a few.  Having said that, I have been fortunate enough to be in a couple decent relationships but even then they all ended.

The last proper heart wrenching relationship I was ended in October 2007, after which I nursed my heart for 2 and a half years before releasing it briefly for a short relationship with a good guy, but we just were not on the same page especially as it was long distance, I was in the UK and he in Nigeria. What I am trying to say is this, myself and relationships or dating do not stare each other nicely in the eyes.

Being single has been a great experience. I have learnt a lot about myself and its given me time to figure out what I want (or what I think I want) in a man and for my future.  It has helped me to see life from a different point of view and given me the time and opportunity to work hard at work, spend time with God and have time for my friends.

As a girl, I had it all planned out. Meet my boo at university, the good old library move, I am reading a book, so engrossed in it that I do not realise there is someone walking towards me. We bump into each other, my books on the floor, our eyes meet and you know the rest of the story. As you can tell, life didn’t quite go according to that plan. I am not sure if every girl was like me as a child and had these dreams or thoughts or I am on my own.. lol but I had so many dreams, including wanting to be with whoever I end up marrying for at least a couple of years before walking down the aisle and who knows if that would happen or not. I have since learnt that whatever happens will always be what God originally planned for my life.

Having said that, at the end of the day, heaven helps those who helps themselves. You can’t pray to pass an exam without studying, same way you can’t pray for a husband without making an attempt to do something about it. A lot of people say I do not put myself out there enough. I just do not understand the meaning of putting yourself out there . I mean, I am not hiding myself and I am not sure if that is their default response to every single person they meet. Like I said in earlier blogs, the other common response I get is you have nothing to worry about but you should drop your standards. Even a female colleague at work was telling me the same thing the other day and I wondered.. what are my standards? I am still seriously asking myself what my standards are and the more I think about it, the more I think they are very basic standards. I simply want a God-fearing man who I can hold a conversation with, an intelligent conversation and who at the same time doesn’t take himself too seriously, because I love a good laugh. I don’t think that is too much to ask. It would be nice to have a nicely built man who is at least 6ft tall and so handsome I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night for the fear he might be taken away from me by prying eyes, but honestly, I couldn’t care less. I say that will all the caution in the world. If a guy is not good-looking then he has to have other things that work for him, we have to connect in a different way otherwise no attraction = what is the point? Same goes for a good-looking guy too.. we have to connect on other things as well just that it is harder to see for sure if you guys are compatible when he is tres good-looking et hot! Looks are not the top of my list but I would always dog whistle (in my head) for every good-looking fella (a.k.a eye candy) that comes my way, I am smart enough to know that looks will not pay the bills and love me when I am 50 with possibly sagging boobs and possibly 5 sizes bigger.

The other thing I have been told is I need to chill out, loosen up and stop thinking too much. Problem here is I can try to loosen up and chill out but I cannot stop thinking too much. It is instilled in me. I over analyse things. Before I start anything, I see the 3 possible end products and prepare myself for the worst. Some times, I don’t even bother starting because I have told myself it will not work. Before you start pointing fingers, bear in mind that I have been doing this for so long that I am now an expert in it. I can tell you the kind of person some one is just by meeting them and hearing them speak once and I am right 70% of the time, that is me being modest.

This brings me to my next point, the particular point that inspired this series but it is half past midnight now and I have work tomorrow. This is where I say… to be continued. Thanks for reading.

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